Friday, January 28, 2011


So, I am in love. I am in love with Oregon. I am in love with Portland. I am in love with all of the trees and magic and wonderment that we have seen today.

We almost missed our flight this morning, for a variety of reasons (lateness, no gas, getting pulled over) and we only just barely made it in time! Fortunately, because we were the last people to board the plane we got to sit in the very front so we had tons of leg space.

Ellen picked us up from the airport and drove us to the bus station, and then we took the bus from Eugene to Portland.

We met up with Aaron at a place called Stumptown Coffee and we chatted for a super long time. (Crystal got bored and went and got oysters while he and I caught up re: high school). Then Aaron, Crystal and I met up with Brycen and we went to dinner at a Cajun restaurant called Montage, which was delicious. (Sidenote: we met the craziest old drunk toothless guy who gave us priceless pearls of wisdom. Examples: "Do you know what's the best thing about being good? Being great. Do you know what life's all about? Being respectful to yourself. Why beat yourself up when someone else will do it for you?!") Anyway at the restaurant they made our leftovers into tin foil animals! (Crystal got a squirrel, I got a snail).

Right now we're hangin' out at Brycen's, because that is where we are staying. Tomorrow Aaron is going to show us around his neighborhood area (Hawthorne) and we're gonna do some shopping and then hit up the Interpol situation.

Anyway, it's time for bed. This has been the longest day in the world!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

can't start a fire without a spark

Forget this shiz. I'm not gonna worry about it, because:

I'm spending this weekend in Indie Mecca with Crystal.

I'm gonna see two of my favorite people from high school.

Alex and I are gonna kick butt at KCACTF.

I have friends that don't expect me to be a robot.

I don't even really know what's going on.

I have "Thunder Road" on repeat and it's taking away most of my pissy feelings (thanks, Mr. Springsteen).

I'm capable of loving people without wanting anything back.

So, there.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

You know what? Never mind.

Somehow this turned into a somewhat bitchy/emo blog. And I just want the two people who read this to know that that's not what my goal was at the outset of starting this thing. Originally, my plan was to talk about my life and maybe give some unique little insights and be cheery and helpful and hopeful and full of all kinds of optimistic light. Every once in a while I manage to get back to that. But today is not going to be one of those days.

Today was a day of hopes/dreams/wishes/wants, but not in a Disney Princess "someday-my-prince-will-come" fashion. It was more like a series of stream of conscious revelations that, for whatever reason, seem important enough to write about.

Things I Learned About My World Today:

1. I'm really jealous of nuns. I bet being married to God and/or Jesus is awesome, because basically everything either of them ever said has to do with their capacity to love every individual human being that will ever live, no matter what. Compared with my situation (wanting to be married to someone who loves a lot of people but will never love me), I can definitely see the appeal of nunliness.

2. I have been lying to myself for several months, if not over a year. And I think that's why I'm so desperate to have a romantic experience with someone. In my head, once I've had a legitimate relationship, these magical scissors will come down from the sky and cut every psychological and emotional tie that holds me to... well... would it sound melodramatic to say something like "the anchor that is an impossible dream?"

Because that's what it is.

3. I really dislike the kind of people that are attracted to musical theatre. Especially when they also happen to be the kind of people that are attracted to themselves.

4. Apparently, information displayed on Facebook has the ability to obliterate my heart and shoot all my veins out of my body like confetti. Thanks a ton, Zuckerberg. I hope when you die, all the unhappiness propagated by your pet project is visited upon your curly head.

--- --- --- --- ---

In other news, I am currently working my very last shift at the Lexington Hotel. If there were peasants here, I'm pretty sure they'd be shouting "huzzah!" in the background.

Crystal and I will be in Portland so very soon. I'm starting to get kind of nervous, mostly because there are things that we haven't done yet that we probably should (example: booking our bus from Eugene to Portland, and/or figuring out how we're getting from the Eugene airport to the bus station). But yeah. Portland.

Today I talked to Charlee (a girl I've worked with) about the whole mission thing. I guess she got her call not too long ago and will be headed off for the MTC in April. We didn't talk long, but she really has a ton of enthusiasm for the gospel and for missionary work in general and that made me excited again. Most people I tell, they're like, "Oh..." like they need to apologize to me for the fact that I'm not engaged or something. Whatever. I know what's up and that's all that matters.

Um. I guess that's all.


But seriously, I love him so effing much.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I have so much to say, but there's no real way for me to say it. Like the English language doesn't have enough words...

Spencer's Grandpa Mack passed away today. I haven't seen Spencer since Sunday. The only way I know how to comfort someone requires physical presence, like, I wish I could just hug him for a million years because I know how hard this is, but I don't know when I'll see him next and I feel horrible because the funeral is on Saturday but Crystal and I will be in Portland.

I love Spencer so, so, so much and all I ever want is to be there to support him in his time of hardship or his time of success and the fact that there are constraints on my ability to do that -- whether they're interpersonal or chronological or geographical -- just kills me.


In other news, Mom came home from rehearsal tonight with a big card from Mike. I haven't read it yet because I left for work just as she was getting home. Is it stupid to say it makes me kind of anxious?


Crystal and I leave for Portland on Friday. I think a weekend away will be good for me.


Alex and I are totally memorized with our Irene Ryan scenes (Krogstad and Mrs. Linde from A Doll's House, Kip and Cass from Wonder of the World). I need to go over my monologue (The Beaux' Stratagem) but other than that we're in awesome shape.


Tomorrow looks like this:

7 AM: Get off of work, go home, shower.
8 AM: Hopefully be out the door.
8:30 AM: Workin' in the scene shop.
11 AM: Welding a box with Brent Innes.
12 PM: Chemistry.
1 PM: Nutrition.
2 PM: Workin' in the scene shop.
5? 6? PM: Anything Goes vocal auditions
Whenever those are done: Workin' in the scene shop.
8 PM: Pre-work nap.
11 PM: Last night of work/working lines with Alex in secret.

As you can see, my cup runneth over.


I think an additional benefit of plasma donation is that, while pumping my fist, I may be developing some of the muscles in my arm.