Sunday, May 22, 2011

Expletives.

This has been a really bizarre week. I got the chance to go hang out with Grace and Jalee and Bryant on Wednesday, which was a much needed distraction. Thursday I talked on the phone with Spencer. Friday, Grace and I went to the What Women Want expo and got some sexy sunglasses. Also, Grannette came into town for Phoebe's graduation. This last bit has been awesome, except for the fact that I'm on HCG right now and it's SO HARD TO DIET when Grandma is here, because she's obsessed with food. She talks about it 24/7. And I'll be doing really good, not even thinking about anything, and then she says something like, "I was over at so-and-so's bridal shower last week and they had the most amaaaaaazing cheesecake!" Etc, etc.

And then I'm like, "Damn, cheesecake..." Or whatever it is she happens to be talking about. 90% of the time, I'm not even intrigued by desserts or candies or treats of any kind. Right now, for example, a slice of colby jack cheese sounds really good.

In other news, I think my brain is broken. I think I'm so used to being overloaded that I am now incapable of doing one thing at a time. I tried to watch The Nanny with Mom today and I nearly had a nervous breakdown because I was bored. So I tried coloring, just so I had something to do with my hands, and I was still having problems. When I'm in school, I've got homework, scene work (for acting classes), memorization, blocking, work, tests -- and for the most part, these all end up being due at the same time. Right now all I have to do is sleep and eat. I've started going shopping just to be engaged in some kind of activity, and I know that's going to be really bad news for my bank account. I can't afford to attend retail therapy for compulsive multitasking.

It doesn't help that my Mysterious Medical Appointment is looming on the horizon, and we haven't heard a single thing about my lab work from my last visit. Or that I keep praying about what I'm supposed to be doing in this weird limbo interim time, and I don't ever get any answers. I don't even get a stupor of thought.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God, and I know He is there for me. I love talking to Him. It would just be nice if He would talk back every once in a while.