Thursday, November 1, 2012

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Honesty Hour

This evening's post is an excerpt from my journal, because nobody reads this blog and also because I'm tired of self-editing. Here it goes:

I'm trapped at home all the time; I have no life, no reason to shower or get dressed. Reading my horoscope is the most exciting part of my daily routine, and I usually do that right at midnight. Today, I cried because Zoe interfered with my toast-making procedures -- the disturbing thing is that I was legitimately upset.

My life is TV and online jigsaw puzzles. I've now seen almost every episode in the 13 year history of "Law & Order: SVU," which has resulted in numerous sexual fantasies involving Christopher Meloni. I'm also completely caught up on "30 Rock," having become somewhat obsessed with the Jack/Liz relationship dynamic (they're in love, I don't care who you are). Thinking about them makes me cry, so, you know, there's that.

90% of the stories I tell my family members (aka the only people to consistently experience my existence) begin "So I saw this post on Tumblr ..." and the other 10% are memories from college. Everything I come across that reminds me of the active, chaotic life I used to lead fills me with unbridled rage. Similarly, any evidence that other people on the planet are having fun makes me want to puke. I'm so lonely that my skin hurts, and all I want to do is sleep.

Why didn't anybody tell me that graduating from college would immediately lead me into a circle of Hell that Satan and Leonard Cohen collaborated on for a hipster outreach effort?