You know what? Never mind.

Somehow this turned into a somewhat bitchy/emo blog. And I just want the two people who read this to know that that's not what my goal was at the outset of starting this thing. Originally, my plan was to talk about my life and maybe give some unique little insights and be cheery and helpful and hopeful and full of all kinds of optimistic light. Every once in a while I manage to get back to that. But today is not going to be one of those days.

Today was a day of hopes/dreams/wishes/wants, but not in a Disney Princess "someday-my-prince-will-come" fashion. It was more like a series of stream of conscious revelations that, for whatever reason, seem important enough to write about.

Things I Learned About My World Today:

1. I'm really jealous of nuns. I bet being married to God and/or Jesus is awesome, because basically everything either of them ever said has to do with their capacity to love every individual human being that will ever live, no matter what. Compared with my situation (wanting to be married to someone who loves a lot of people but will never love me), I can definitely see the appeal of nunliness.

2. I have been lying to myself for several months, if not over a year. And I think that's why I'm so desperate to have a romantic experience with someone. In my head, once I've had a legitimate relationship, these magical scissors will come down from the sky and cut every psychological and emotional tie that holds me to... well... would it sound melodramatic to say something like "the anchor that is an impossible dream?"

Because that's what it is.

3. I really dislike the kind of people that are attracted to musical theatre. Especially when they also happen to be the kind of people that are attracted to themselves.

4. Apparently, information displayed on Facebook has the ability to obliterate my heart and shoot all my veins out of my body like confetti. Thanks a ton, Zuckerberg. I hope when you die, all the unhappiness propagated by your pet project is visited upon your curly head.

--- --- --- --- ---

In other news, I am currently working my very last shift at the Lexington Hotel. If there were peasants here, I'm pretty sure they'd be shouting "huzzah!" in the background.

Crystal and I will be in Portland so very soon. I'm starting to get kind of nervous, mostly because there are things that we haven't done yet that we probably should (example: booking our bus from Eugene to Portland, and/or figuring out how we're getting from the Eugene airport to the bus station). But yeah. Portland.

Today I talked to Charlee (a girl I've worked with) about the whole mission thing. I guess she got her call not too long ago and will be headed off for the MTC in April. We didn't talk long, but she really has a ton of enthusiasm for the gospel and for missionary work in general and that made me excited again. Most people I tell, they're like, "Oh..." like they need to apologize to me for the fact that I'm not engaged or something. Whatever. I know what's up and that's all that matters.

Um. I guess that's all.