I want to be an actress again.
I think most of it has to do with seeing Angela Lansbury -- who is endlessly classy and has achieved SO MUCH in her lifetime. It completely blows me away to see her onstage year after year, presenting awards to relatively new actors and actresses with whom she shares something other than a profession -- a love for theatre.
When I watch the Tony's, I think about all of the magical (and sometimes heinous) things I love about being an actress. I think about late hours, complete exhaustion, memorization deadlines, diction and movement and motivation -- and I think to myself, "Why do you try to convince yourself you want to be a philosopher or a musician or a writer? This is what you love to do, as awful as it can be."
And it's true.
And after I think about how lucky I am to have parents who understand and support my career decision and my course of study, I think, "Dang. I really want a Tony."
And I don't just WANT it. I NEED TO HAVE it. I need to receive a Tony Award. I don't know why. It's kind of like needing a Diet Coke -- it's not necessary to life, but somehow you know that if you don't get one, your life will never be satisfactory.
I started looking at grad school applications again today. I'm applying for Yale. I need to get my audition shiz together, and start exercising regularly. Phib and I are starting tennis, so that will be good. It's aerobic and will teach me to bend my knees.
Guys. For as much as I may complain about it, I love what I'm doing. I will never, ever want to do anything else.
(P.S. -- During the broadcast, Alec asked: "Hey, Hannah -- who won Best Tony?" I told him he did.)