Saturday, January 22, 2011


I hate it when people I love go through rough times. I hate it even more than when I go through rough times because I don't have to watch myself.

Also, most of the time I can solve my own problems. But this... well, I don't have the authority to do anything but pray.
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Thursday, January 20, 2011


Well, tonight marks the halfway point of my two-weeks notice. I'm glad it's going to be over soon. It was a really good job, but now that I'm so busy all of the time there's no chance I could carry on this way. I already missed a couple of classes due to oversleeping my post-work nap. I need good grades.

Speaking of good grades, I may not be graduating this semester after all. Which is a problem. But we'll cross that bridge when it becomes a bridge of reality rather than a bridge of supposition.

I had my first private acting lesson with Michael today, and let me just say, HOLY CRAP. I think it was the most educational 45 minutes of my young adult life. I'm so glad I decided to do this, I'm going to grow so much -- I'm making a personal Rule of Steel that I will just do whatever he tells me to do without thinking and without asking questions. I'm going to jump.

Anyway, today is the first day of UTA and I sort of house-managed All Shook Up, which Phoebe is starring in. I watched the first act from the back of the theatre and ohmygosh, when she started to sing, I cried like a baby. My sisters (and brothers, too, for that matter) are such beautiful, talented, humble people. I couldn't have been more proud than I was tonight.

(That's my baby right thurr.)

Spencer and I got all registered at BioLife and now we are official plasma donors/prostitutes. We're saving money for KCA, and our second appointment is shortly after my shift gets over. Also, today I bought this camera:

It's a Holga 135BC (the BC stands for "black corners" because it vignettes pictures). It is not digital -- it takes 35mm film and also does not require batteries, which means it relies purely on the powers of science. I'm going to take it with me to KCACTF and get some artistic theatre people pictures going. Ultimately, I'd like to learn how to process film and maybe even have a darkroom in my house someday, but right now I'm just excited about taking dreamy, tangible photographs.

I have a math test in the midst of tomorrow's UTA madness, so I'm gonna go study now. Tra la la.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Combos + Diet Coke

Tonight I am working on memorizing A - C in the periodic table of the elements (complete with symbols). So far, I've used the symbols to create three pretty snazzy mnemonic devices:

A's - Cute Girls Lose Many Red Shorts Through Usurpation
(Ac, Ag, Al, Am, Ar, As, At, Au)

B's - Brad Always Eats His Icees Killer-Rapidly
(B, Ba, Be, Bh, Bi, Bk, Br)

C's - Carefully Avoid Deviled Eggs Furnished Lovingly; Moreover, Negate Omelets Royally Served Up
(C, Ca, Cd, Ce, Cf, Cl, Cm, Cn, Co, Cr, Cs, Cu)

Clearly, I am already a master of chemistry.

Over the past couple of days, I have been dealing with some Things, and unfortunately they're not exactly of the "pleasant" variety. The first is the issue of Mike, with whom I cannot bring myself to discuss our... uh... impasse? Mostly because I hate talking about my feelings (I always cry). But also because I don't know how to begin to describe my perspective of our friendship.

Also because, every once in a while, his mom texts me to tell me that I need to be his friend. His mom is a sweetheart. But I'm kind of like, "Uh, okay, you have one side of the story and it isn't mine." And also, "I'm taking 20 credits this semester so I don't really have the time to try and deal with this right now." And also, "I'm prepping for a mission and can't afford to be emotionally/spiritually drained all the time."

Visual metaphor:

(Figure 1: Note the finite amount of water in bucket H and compare to bucket M's difficulty retaining liquid.)

How am I supposed to solve this problem? I can't.
How am I supposed to put an end to this problem? Heaven only knows.

Initially, Spencer recommended writing a letter, because I'm much better at expressing myself through the written word. But now that his mom has texted me I feel as though I need some kind of professional advice. Too bad I don't have a therapist on call. It would make my life so much easier.