This is my life.

After a great deal of experience and deliberation, I think I've finally figured out what my Major Earthly Challenge is/was/will be: letting go.

(I'm Rose, and all my troublesome scenarios are Jack Dawson.)

I am apparently on this planet to learn (A) when to let go, (B) how to let go, and (C) how to deal with people and places and things that don't want to let go of me. So far, I'm really bad at all of it.

Like, really, REALLY bad.

This is partially because the universe is full of tricks. For example, if I decide I'm not friends with someone anymore, I'll get two or three solid weeks without hearing from/worrying about them -- everything will be peaceful and low-maintenance in my life. But then, like a gust of wind, I'll receive a random phone call or text or Facebook message that begins "Hannah, I'm sorry..." and it completely blows me over.

And people will be like, "Just ignore it, girl -- they're not worth your time!" But my heart is like, "But I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to forgive people 70x7 or something like that." And then there's this conflict between my brain, which is rational, and my heart, which is... you know. Not.

At the risk of sounding somewhat sacrilegious: Sometimes I get frustrated with Jesus because he set such a good example. I know he flipped out when those dudes were gambling in the temple, but that's such an extreme situation. I almost wish that the New Testament contained one instance where Jesus looked at someone -- maybe an apostle or someone he was teaching on a hillside -- and said, "You know, you're kind of getting in the way of progress, here. I think it'd be best if you left and we never spoke again."

Because sometimes I feel like Christianity begets pushovers. Not politically (heavens, definitely not politically), but socially. I often feel like fighting back or sticking up for myself is not the "Christian" thing to do. However, when I try to do what Jesus would have done -- forgive and forget and try again -- people seem to think I'm being stupid or naive.

I don't know how this is supposed to work, really. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.