Oh, bother.

It's been an interesting couple of days. Mostly I am making friendship bracelets like crazy. Last night I learned how to tie the alphabet, so I've been making astrology bracelets. I did Zoe's very first (she wanted purple and gray), so it'll be a little "Welcome Home!" present for when she gets back from Wisconsin.

Other than fanatical knot tying, I've been thinking about love. Particularly, boys. Particularly, one boy (whose name does not start with S, for your information, which I think means I am making progress). I like This Boy really a lot. But because everyone I am interested in turns out to be gay or emotionally unavailable or completely nuts, I am hesitant to say anything. Also, I'm not exactly looking for a legitimate relationship at this time. I would be totally happy with someone to kiss and take naps with. No more, no less.

(Did you guys ever watch Oswald? "No more, no less!")

Anyway. I guess the Big Problem for This Week is just this weird ambiguous crush friendship situation. I have no idea what to do about it. I'm awful at flirting, and I wouldn't even know what to say or do about anything, and also if I totally messed it up and was terrible I would probably never be able to recover.

The only person I've ever legitimately dated was Robert, and we had just been friends. And then one day he randomly called me and said, "Do you want to go see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat tonight? Also, I was thinking you should be my girlfriend." And that was it. There really wasn't a dating period or a discussion or a set of expectations. It just happened.

And then it unhappened, and it was the pits, and then I had a crush on a series of boys who later came out of the closet, and then I had those weird issues with Spencer, and now there's this.

And I'm hopeful, but I don't want to be stupid. Because I know I've got a good personality and I'm very smart and sometimes pretty funny, but I also know that I'm not a supermodel and some boys prefer that, and if that is the case then what am I supposed to do? I can't just be all Down With Love, I can't be like, "Oh, hey, I dropped 80 pounds. Will you please love me now?"

Because that would be really sad.

But anyway, if anyone out there has "oh, by the way, I think you're darling," advice, it'd be greatly appreciated. Relationships are not my forte.

!!!

Guys.

I DON'T HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom and I went to see Dr. Anwar today, to hear about my blood work and figure out what was goin' on with my body. As it turns out, all of my levels were "as normal as we could expect of anyone, practically ideal" -- the same was true of my oxygen levels, blood pressure, and temperature!

The only thing is that I'm slightly B12 deficient, but that is SO EASY TO FIX!

I am convinced that I've been given a clean bill of health because of prayer, and the blessings that were given to me -- because my white count was FREAKISH!

God is so awesome.

Well, there's good news and bad news.

The good news is that Operation: Classy Husband began today. I spent three hours educating myself RE: classical composers. I discovered the musical stylings of Liszt, Dvorak, and Bartok and, boy, am I glad I did!

I've never really been super into instrumental music. I am a primarily language-based person, so it's natural for me to prefer lyrics. However, I discovered a form that is pretty similar to singer/instrument -- the concerto.

As it turns out, "concerto" isn't just a pretentious way to say "concert." A concerto usually consists of one instrument playing with the accompaniment of an orchestra. The most common concertos are written for piano, violin, or cello -- and, though I love the piano, I prefer the last two. Why, you ask? Because they sound like human voices! There is a certain graininess to string instruments that sounds very similar to the textures found in the voice. For that reason, these compositions are a lot more accessible to me, as a listener who is more accustomed to music that contains singing.

Another of today's successful O: CH-related adventures was a trip to the library with Mom and Zoe, where I got two novels and (more importantly) two philosophical treatises. The first is by Hannah Arendt, and the second is a collection of important questions posed by philosophers throughout history, as well as any answers they were able to come up with.

I'm really quite happy. I can feel my little academic soul trilling with excitement. (In case you haven't figured it out, I'm a super-enormous nerd.)

Now, for the bad news, which is actually pretty trivial.

Item 1: I have mad cabin fever. I need to get out of this house.

Item 2: It is impossible for me to read after sundown because (A) our house is suffering from a severe light-bulb deficiency and (B) the bulbs we do possess are so dim, I'm beginning to wonder if they were designed to light the corridors of haunted houses.

Item 3: Poverty. I'm in it. This month I have to pay my cell phone bill, get my radiator replaced, get a safety inspection (which my poor little car may/may not pass...), and pay to have my car registered. Mom and Dad said they could help me out a little if I would clean out one of the storage rooms in the basement. However, now that I've taken into consideration the fact that (A) I'm much too short to reach the majority of the shelves, (B) it looks like the Room of Requirement in there and (C) I am fundamentally opposed to cleaning up messes that I did not make, I'm not sure if it'd be worth it...

And that's really all for today.

(P.S. -- according to that book, Love Signs, Sufjan Stevens really could be my soul mate [he's a Cancer, I'm a Virgo]. I find this awesome.)