It's been an interesting couple of days. Mostly I am making friendship bracelets like crazy. Last night I learned how to tie the alphabet, so I've been making astrology bracelets. I did Zoe's very first (she wanted purple and gray), so it'll be a little "Welcome Home!" present for when she gets back from Wisconsin.
Other than fanatical knot tying, I've been thinking about love. Particularly, boys. Particularly, one boy (whose name does not start with S, for your information, which I think means I am making progress). I like This Boy really a lot. But because everyone I am interested in turns out to be gay or emotionally unavailable or completely nuts, I am hesitant to say anything. Also, I'm not exactly looking for a legitimate relationship at this time. I would be totally happy with someone to kiss and take naps with. No more, no less.
(Did you guys ever watch Oswald? "No more, no less!")
Anyway. I guess the Big Problem for This Week is just this weird ambiguous crush friendship situation. I have no idea what to do about it. I'm awful at flirting, and I wouldn't even know what to say or do about anything, and also if I totally messed it up and was terrible I would probably never be able to recover.
The only person I've ever legitimately dated was Robert, and we had just been friends. And then one day he randomly called me and said, "Do you want to go see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat tonight? Also, I was thinking you should be my girlfriend." And that was it. There really wasn't a dating period or a discussion or a set of expectations. It just happened.
And then it unhappened, and it was the pits, and then I had a crush on a series of boys who later came out of the closet, and then I had those weird issues with Spencer, and now there's this.
And I'm hopeful, but I don't want to be stupid. Because I know I've got a good personality and I'm very smart and sometimes pretty funny, but I also know that I'm not a supermodel and some boys prefer that, and if that is the case then what am I supposed to do? I can't just be all Down With Love, I can't be like, "Oh, hey, I dropped 80 pounds. Will you please love me now?"
Because that would be really sad.
But anyway, if anyone out there has "oh, by the way, I think you're darling," advice, it'd be greatly appreciated. Relationships are not my forte.
ahem.
ReplyDeletelet me begin this with a disclaimer: i'm a horrible dater/flirter/dresser aka GIRL (it's seriously still surprising to me that i'm soon-to-be wed and such) so take this with a generous amount of salt and some diet coke. (and also know that the gay thing has happened to me...3 times now? and it sucks - but if anything (on days when i'm feeling liberal with the self-love) i just think: "a dude that likes dudes wanted me, because i'm an awesome girl. so take that, world.")
i feel like the line between hopeful and stupid is a pretty thin one - but i also really do think and believe (and sort of know) that the MORE you believe all of those good things about you, a)other people will see it much more clearly, b)insecurities about boys lessen (because you're like - "i am a FREAKING catch, dood! you're a crazy for not agreeing") and c)you'll just feel better with or without someone.
i know i'm a cheeseball for saying this. and sound like a cliched relationship book that famous actresses later star in the movie of, but i'm serious.
you won't look stupid - you'll look confident. and that's good for friendship or more-than-friendship-ship.
novel over.
love you. good luck!
You're right. I think my first project will be convincing myself that I'm awesome. And other than that, I should probably just let things happen, but I'm such a Plan the Shiz Out of Everything person that it's really difficult for me to go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteBut relationships are not like Communist China, and one person can't call the shots, so I'm betting I should chill out. And then just try to be awesome. And then maybe he will want to be my nap/make-out buddy.
Ugh, thank you for so frequently being the voice of reason. This is a rad internet friendship.